And I guess after reflecting on so many things, I got to figure out on certain things about myself. I.. I guess I'm not someone who fall in love to people easily. If I really do like someone that easily, people who likes me I would definitely have some feelings towards them but the thing is.. I don't? Doesn't means you like me I'll like you back, its cruel I know but still everything comes down to feelings. There are many different kinds of likes and sometimes you get messed up by it. I finally understand the feeling of liking someone as in I finally know what I'll feel when I like someone. Sometimes you get very touched by the person actions, you thought you actually have feelings for them but its not. You like them because they treat you well and we're humans, when someone treat you different, in a special way there will bound to be certain feelings towards them but.. to go deep into it, its actually nothing. You're just feeling gaga inside because you feel sweet and thankful by their actions. That's because they treat you differently and it kind of feels good? But overtime, if they don't do anything, your feeling fades and slowly you get to understand its actually nothing much? Thats not love.
I don't know if my thoughts are right but thats my point of view for now. I just feel that I get to understand myself better after sorting through some stuffs. I got so many things to say and I'm so confused. I wish I could lay everything down in words one by one but there're always certain things that I should just keep it to myself.
Andddd hai to think about our friendship, its just disappointment again and again. After all these years, it's just disappointing to know that whatever I did, its just never enough to you. No matter how much efforts I put in I guess, you just couldn't see it. The things you said affects me a lot but I just don't wanna say because yeah I have my pride lol. I got my own reasons for not going to play basketball today although Idk whats my reasons but I just don't feel like going. Maybe I really did not put much attention to you but.. I don't think so because I know, I really cherish our friendship a lot and I really tried my best to be there for you everytime. I just don't express it out.. Well its just really sad to know that after so many years of friendship, you still said that. This actually means you do not know me well enough because if you know me well enough, you would never say that.. Well this is my point of view and I don't blame you because I know you got yours too, its just.. we both can't come to a conclusion to make things right. Words really have the power to bring you down.
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Okay enough let's dump all these screwing brain juices things aside and talk about happy things. I'm still a happy go lucky girl who still feels happy when I'm with people I like. I still have a lot of funs with people that are nice to me!
I just change my phone recently!!! Really is excitement and happiness level overload la!!! I couldn't sleep well the day before because I was feeling really excited and I keep on telling Cherie about it because I'm so happy about it!!
Its my last week of work next week and I did took quite a number of photos with my NEW PHONE KEKEKE!
Working in the office really makes me understand about the real world. Its all about black and white?! It makes me understand that many things that people do are always unethical whether you like it or not, at the end of the day people just want to have the earning power. Don't always look up to people with high positions or people with really great earning power because most of the times, they're able to climb up to their positions by using unethical ways. There are still certain people who climb up based on their hardwork but well not everyone is that nice hahaha?
Also, one thing that I really learnt for this 5 weeks is that NEVER EVER JUDGE PEOPLE TOO EARLY. When you judge people too early, you will just be disappointed when you see their true colors.
Lalala I won't take things too personally so work is still bearable for me hahaha because I'm still living in my own world lalala and nobody gives a damn about me! ^.>
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Friday night spent with xy and kt! :)
Even if many many bad things happened, they're the ones that I can count on no matter what especially xy! There'll always be friendships that will fades but also, there'll always be friendships that will get even stronger. And is there such thing as liking them even more as days goes by? ^.> Cause I love love love love love them a lot kekeke, even more now! ^^
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Its weekends and I quite love it! Have kkm with xy, kt and jiayu! Impromptu plan to join xy for a car ride with his poly friend and hengyi! We went queensway to get their basketball shoes and then IKEA for hotdog bun! The day went quite bad afterwards but nvm laaaaaa.
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Maybe I have too much commitments and too many friends that made you feel so insecure about our friendship. I know you always tell me that I'm always so busy and whenever you ask me out, I'm not able to. All these things I know. And maybe I don't express myself to you because I feel very comfortable with you and our friendship has already been so long thats why I take things for granted and I don't express it out because I know, at the end of the day our friendship gonna last no matter how much quarrels we have, how many bu shuangs we have. And even if you are angry with me, I don't take it to heart like you because I always don't take things too personally. But everything you said to me, although I don't take it personally, I always reflect upon my actions so to make sure things get better again. Hmm and if you know me well enough, you'll know that I'm not someone who will take the initiative to talk to people about my personal things unless I feel there's a need to. When things hit me, I don't confide to people until I'm ready and hmm maybe because of this you feel that I don't take you as my best friend but that's me I guess. This is why I guess you couldn't see my efforts and well, I guess I can't blame you for thinking this way but I don't wanna blame myself too because I think its so unfair if I blame myself HAHAHA because I put in efforts also what! But hmm I believe, nothing bad will happen to both of us want la because our friendship is good enough! OKAY I'LL BELIEVE THAT! :)
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My heart feels so heavy because I got a lot on my mind -o- but I'll never ever let it affects me when I'm with my friends because I like to be happy with them, it makes everything so much better you know! Its only when I'm alone then I will sort out my thoughts myself.
Lalala guess I'm just like that and because I'm who I am, I made my friends disappointed but I don't know la! Nvmmmmm my brain juices gonna burst if I continue to analyse and reflect. I wanna watch shows and listen to songs! GOOD BYE, TILL THEN!!!!
Thank you my dear blog, you've been a great one for me! :)
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