The vicious cycle of school has began again. Its just the second week of school and I'm barely surviving, yes barely. But, everytime when I felt like I'm about to go to lala land, I thought of my friends and the people in uni because it's the only way to make me realized that my life is easier than them and then I got the strength to continue pushing myself to do my work. So if you ever felt like you're going to die of studying, think of all the people who push through and yeah you'll be able to do it because they can and that's means, you can too. That's just something that really helps me a lot so yeahz. 

Wellzz... I guess I'm hasn't been in the best of mood recently. I don't think I'm happy these days.. I just feel like I'm self torturing myself to be the best, to be the perfect girl in everyone eyes but apparently I'm not. Maybe I'm feeling this way because I really do feel quite stress about school, but.. that doesn't seems like the main reason? 

I been having thoughts like, am I taking too hard on myself? Why am I self tortuirng myself? I've been so negative towards myself lately that I think I look pretty gloomy everyday lol. I looked really sad when I don't smile I guess.. I just feel very burdensome for being me. For a moment, I realized I don't know who am I, what am I gonna be, who do I want to be? Why am I trying so hard to be perfect? 

I just.. I don't know, just having this feeling that things are changing and lol I don't even..just feel that I don't belong anywhere.. I just don't know who am I, I'm such a complicated person. 

Sian, why are things affecting me so much? Am I even myself anymore? 

So tiredzzzz I need to sleep badly yawns..