My dear papa

Never thought that I would want to talk about this because it was so long ago but weird me is feeling nostalgic today haha. Was talking to my mum just now about my dad because its his death anniversary tomorrow. 

A part of me always wonder what life would be if he was still around. Will we be happier? I know these things can't be compare but sometimes, you know you just can't help but to think and wonder about the changes in your life.

Was feeling nostalgic so I rummaged through all my childhood photos and its saddening to know that, I don't even have an individual photo of us together. Not even a family photo, not even a photo of me, my sister and my dad together. I guess it happened too soon and I was really young back then so no photos. My sister has a lot though hmmm also cannot complain say its unfair but just sad :(

I rarely asked my mum about my dad because I know it'll upset her even though this happened so long ago. But today, I just decided to ask her about it and.. it pains me to hear about all these stuffs. From the phone call to knowing that he got into an accident, going to the hospital to identify the body, to see the bruise and injuries all over his face, his body.. and all the stitches to patch up his wounds.. Even hearing it makes me want to cry, it must be really unbearable for her back then.. 

You're definitely my superwoman mummy, it pains me to know how much you have to go through all these years. I know I can do better as a daughter but sometimes I just really like taking things for granted hmmm :( 

Here are just some photos of my dad that I find him quite good looking. Haha he was so dashing and handsome when he was young. I was too young to remember much about him back then but fortunately, I remember one happy and sad memories of him. He will always bring me and my sister to cck mrt platform area and we will play with this " slide " there hahaha and my mum will be there scolding him cause its so dangerous. I don't know how to explain also. The sad one was during his funeral, I was only three but weirdly, I remember my mum carrying me and bringing me near to the casket to look at my father while crying. Yes, I do remember vividly of how he looks like.

And I dreamt of him twice, not sure if its dream or am I really seeing him? 

I may not have spend a lot of time with him but I do wish he was still around to witness me growing up, the achievements and failures in my life and there to guide me through life decisions. Papa, (omg so weird to call this rofl) I wish you are happy wherever you are and I hope you're proud of me and jiejie.. 

I miss you actually... o gosh feel like crying :( feeling so emotional now but I'm actually ok ^^