And here I am with my late night thoughts. Trying hard to just conceal everything and not tell anybody about it, not even this space but I just needed somewhere to rant my thoughts and there's nothing more better than this space. Although I know people do read it but I just couldn't care so much anymore, I just needed a space. A space that belongs to me.

I just want to say, I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of facing endless problems when doing assignments. I'm tired of explaining myself so to let people understand my thoughts. I'm tired of repeating things which I felt pointless because nobody will be able to really understand unless they're in the same situation as me. I'm tired of putting in triple efforts than anybody and all I get is my efforts not recognized. Even if its paid off, it's a triple efforts. I'm tired of staying back in school till late nights to complete my assignments. I'm tired of forcing myself to wake up just because I know that if I don't, I won't be able to catch up like those smart kids in school. I'm tired of helping people and then not getting appreciated. I'm tired of not getting enough sleep almost everyday. I'm tired of trying to explain to people how heavy my workload is and how tired I am because whenever I tried to explain, all I get is the feeling of people thinking " are you that tired? You got so many things to do leh? So exaggerating. " I'm just..tired of explaining myself over and over again. It just gets tiring in the end. I'm tired of sharing my happy things with people and in the end hurting the ones I loved because I enjoyed myself too much. I'm tired of telling myself things will be over soon, I can get through it one way or another. It's true and I know the progress is something that will builds my character up. But do anyone knows how stressful and tiring is it to put in that extra effort. I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of trying my best to be a good friend. I'm tired of losing weight. I'm tired of planning my future. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of envying people. I'm tired of trying my hardest to tell my mum I'm ok everytime I reached home when it isn't really ok but I'm just fucking tired. I'm tired of trying my best to be a better girlfriend though I know I really sucks at it because I'm a bloody self centered and sibei prideful bitch. I'm tired of trying my best to juggle my social life, studies and everything together. All in all, I'm just tired of holding everything together.. Fucking tired being me.

When was the last time I watched a drama? When was the last time where I could sleep well without any worries? When was the last time I really have a break for myself? When was the last time where life wasn't so hard, so complicated for me?

I'm tired of being so self centered. I'm tired of adding more troubles to myself when school work has already took up so much of my mind.

It took me a whole lot of courage to write all these things down. It might be nothing but to me, it's everything. I'm fear of getting judged but all I need now is just a personal space for myself to made me feel better, I don't know regardless of what but there are days where you just feel unmotivated and getting tired of everything. It's 2.43am now and I should get to sleep.

Goodnight. It's another brand new day tomorrow.

Just let me be. I'm not emo, I just need a space to rant. A space that belongs to me. That's all. I'm still the same.

I understand how life works, it just gets tiring some days. I don't need any empathy. I just wannabe alone.