I enjoyed myself today, not to the extent of very much but your companion just made my day feels so much better. Your existence made me feel happier, all the stress I'm facing in school just gradually disappear. Its only the sense of guilt that made me feel that I'm not suppose to be doing this, to drag you down. I don't know if this is love or just some temporary happiness that I'm facing now but it really felt different. Maybe its because we're used to each other already thats why it felt really different but I guess I'm just slowly admitting that I like you which I don't even know it too. I don't know why am I suppressing my own feelings towards you but it just seems like it never gonna end if I don't make a decision.

I really can't think of a wise choice for my situation. Every decision I made, there's consequences that I have to face, my friends have to get involved because of me too. I guess this are the only thing that are holding me back from doing any actions. Because at the end of the day, I might be the happiest person on earth but then the people revolving around me might get all the shits which I really don't want. I really feel like the baddest person on earth because I really do not want to hurt people feelings especially you. But love is selfish and I got to be brave and do that one day, soon. I just don't think I am able to accept the changes, the impact that I made to everything. Friends might just be judgmental towards me and I really hate that because I'm so self conscious and all I need is their support in whatever I want to do..

If only things were much easier, if only I am being honest with my own feelings at the start, things wouldn't be so complicated. And now, I have to make the hardest decision of my life so far because I know every step I take, its gonna just affects people that I love. And.. I really really hate that even if its mean I will be very happy...

I just.. been thinking everyday and it just haunts me down each time I thought about it because I can never figure it out and I have to, need to. I just can't leave people there hanging, wasting their time. I urghhhh....